In any walk of life, we have to deal with haters and naysayers. As I share my blogs, worksheets and posts that I hope might motivate and inspire other people in my profession, I receive some wonderful feedback. And then there’s these guys:
“The market is full of administrative advice and much better websites. You won’t get followers. You shouldn’t bother”.
“You are only offering courses so you can steal people’s data and sell it”. (NOT true BTW)
“Your stuff used to be good but you’ve got boring, lol”.
“Your blogs are full of spelling mistakes” (Some UK spellings are different to the US guys!)
“EAs have their own tools, why would they need anything you have to offer”
“You should rename yourself ‘upyourownarseangels’”.
When I first started out 6 months ago, some of these comments really upset me (except for the last one… that was worth a giggle). I had worked so hard on something, only to have someone else trample all over it. Then I gave myself a talking to. We will always face some form of criticism – either at work or at home. Nobody is perfect.
As an Executive Assistant, I have experienced many years in the firing line in some stress-filled environments. I pride myself on having very thick skin and on having developed a degree of assertiveness. As a high-level assistant, you have to be able to cope with this and respond appropriately.
Here are a few things I’ve learned over the years:
- Don’t let someone else influence your mood. Sounds easy to say right? We have all had days where we’ve received a rude email, an irate phone call, or been on the receiving end of someone’s rant. And then it’s completely ruined our day and our interactions with other people, which then potentially ruins their day too. These annoyances on your screen or noises in your ear are exactly that – nothing more. It’s how you perceive them that matters. This comes down to having a tough mindset – by allowing it to bother you, you’re allowing it to control you. Take a deep breath, rise above it and walk away from your desk for a quick break if you need to.
- Be cool. My excellent colleague Charlotte never fails to amaze me with her ability to remain as cool as a cucumber. Whatever is thrown her way, she doesn’t flinch. I asked her once how she manages this. She remarked that it is not worth her time arguing the toss with her boss over something menial, she knows she is right. I loved this. Know yourself, know your work is excellent and don’t waste your time getting agitated.
- Write it out. There are occasionally those days when your boss is just being unreasonably hideous. I used to get home and write out exactly how they made me feel. Don’t hold back, get it all out. Top tip – put on some angry rock music whilst writing. But… DO NOT SEND! This is you getting everything off your chest so you’re not carrying any resentment with you the next day into work. Try it – it really does work!
- It isn’t about you. It sounds cliché, but it’s not about you, it’s generally about them. Someone that can only see negative things or write negative things is in their own little negative world. Who knows what’s going on for them. For some of the haters above, the chance to be keyboard warriors makes them feel better for 30 seconds. Are they doing anything good for their profession? No. Are they encouraging people? No. For your boss or co-workers, the stress of their significant workload is too much and you’re just in the firing line. Whatever. The majority of the time it’s not your fault. And when it is, fess up, put it right and move on.
- Know when to fight back. There are occasions when you have to stand your ground. Know when to pick your battles though and always do it calmly and assertively. People will respect you more. And hey if the comments are via social media like mine, just block them!
- See the positive. Of course, constructive feedback can be positive when it is fair and it teaches you something. It might be that the person wants you to improve your performance, which can only be a good thing.
Thanks for these tips, sure help to put things in perspective.
You’re welcome Charmaine.
I stop, listen, and add them to my list in the order of priority. If it is my boss that has interrupted, I will place his request either at the top of my list after completing the current task I am working on UNLESS it is a task that is not for him, then I place the item I am working on at the top of my list and work on his immediate need. Once finished, I go back to the top of my list once I have completed the task he interrupted me with. IF I have not finished my list by the end of the day or if it is an ongoing project, I spend the last 30 minutes of my day updating, through email,the delegates of the task with my progress.
I am sorry I totally posted this to the wrong subject.
No problem Annie! I’m guessing Dealing with Interruptions? Very useful feedback, thank you.
Great wisdom in this article, worth remembering and reminding ourselves regularly. Thank you!
Thanks Rachel
Very useful and reassuring that a lot of what you suggest I already do, thank you!
You might even try typing that angry “email” in Word so there is zero chance of accidentally sending it.
Great tip – thanks Kelly!
Very good article! Thank you for the reminders, the tips and resources!
I don’t understand why people are so rude. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to read it but to be so rude is unacceptable. I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Great article by the way. Good tips to follow for sure.
Thank you Catherine – much appreciated!
This is great. I especially liked the part where you talk about not letting others influence your mood. It is definitely easier said than done, but it is so important to not let those negative comments bother you. Thanks!
Thanks for sharing and it was a great article. I was new as an EA and 6mths into my new post, I got 2 feedback from my direct superior’s boss that through his observations on me over the months that I am too diligent and too polite n humble. I was quite upset initially as I feel as long as I am doing my job professionally and support my direct boss well, rest I do not care. Well, he has his own EA and should focus on his EA than me. However, in the end I took a deep breath n take it as a pinch of salt, be thick-skinned, treat it as something I should improve and just move on. I still have larger life than this so just embrace it and not taking into heart. But honestly what should an EA behaves? Can anyone share with me so I can be better. Thank you, Bel
Hi Belinda,
I’m so pleased you enjoyed the article. Diligence, politeness and humility are wonderful qualities and important to have in the workplace! If these are their only complaints, then you are clearly doing a wonderful job!!
As you settle into the job, you will grow in confidence and perhaps they would like to see you develop more of this.
Whenever you receive any form of criticism, thank the person for their feedback and move on. Don’t take it to heart. It sounds like you are doing a great job. I wish my boss would accuse me of being too polite once in a while!
Best wishes,
Michelle
What a strange criticism! Especially the one about being too diligent! Polite and humble, I wonder if he meant he wanted more assertiveness – but if that was the case he expressed himself very badly!
As Michelle said, if that was the worst he could say you’re doing very well indeed!
Great article. I recently had a boss whose cup was half empty and behaved as if he was always trying to catch me out. I decided to focus less on him and more on other positive colleagues, their feedback was so much better. Despite all this, he did teach me something, which was not to let people like him, get to me.
I look forward to reading more of your blogs.
Many thanks
Thanks Cynthia
Perfect timing for me to read this post.
We might not be right always but isn’t better to get a chance to explain why you done it the way you did? My boss tends to change the way things used to be done, so I feel like I always make mistakes, and of course she makes sure to point that out and then says it’s not the end of the world or a big deal… So, why bother to make me feel so bad about it? It almost sounds like I will always get it wrong but done anyway…. I know this comment my be confusing but I need it to get it out of my chest. What a relief!
Thanks
Marcia I’m glad the post came to you at the right time! Always good to get these things off your chest too. I hear you! It can be very frustrating sometimes…